Monday 16 July 2012

Another stark realisation

I just got off the phone with my mum and my stomach is in knots... I've realised that I am absolutely terrified.

It was, from my perspective (which isn't always accurate), a decidedly negative phone call in which my mum put a time limit on the opportunity to do the self build project at Wellmead.

She is absolutely right, of course, and I would never want her to put her life or plans on hold for me but this is a familiar feeling and I am once again subject to my mums particular take on tough love...

I have to contact the planning department and see if this project has any hope of realisation

I know that this is her motivational technique (Dave has also been trying to gently and cautiously focus my attention) and I know everything my mum does has my best interests at heart but I have a familiar feeling of dread deep in my stomach which has forced me to confront the issues that I have been suppressing;

I am scared that this opportunity will be over before its begun

I am really worried that my mum isn't totally on board with our plans

I am scared of selling our home and living rough for a year in a static home

I am terrified that I don't have the ability to make a success of the opportunity if planning is granted

I am petrified of ruining a place that our family has shared for 3 generations

I am worried about managing a building contract that represents hundreds of thousand of pound and potential debt for Dave and I

I am scared that I won't be able to get the return on that investment to take care of my family

I am worried that I'll fail and disappoint all those nearest and dearest to me

I'm terrified of ruining a (at times a very difficult) relationship with my mum, who I love to the point of agony.

I'm afriad I have got
THE FEAR!

I think that about sums up my current fears... as you can see I have a lot of work to do to turn these worries into the positive attitude, visualisation and confidence that I need to make this work and I can not approach the planners until I have gained the confidence to be self assured when I do.

I have always had low self confidence... its time to step up to the plate and believe in myself or no one else will.

For today I will just have to take solace in a quote I read today in an email from Dream. Find. Do (the sister website of Florance Finds)

'If your dreams don't scare you they're not big enough'
Michelle from Pocket Full Of Dreams mantra

Thanks to Rebbecca and Michelle for providing me with a bit of hope and inspiration in my current pit of fear. I await the details of the 'Blogging Workshop' with breath that is baited

I am also thankful for the fact that I have my first very satisfied customer in Mrs Victoria Hale- Griffiths aka Sugar Plum Slipper

I happy and excited about my conversation with a very lovely man about enrolling on a City of Guilds Upholstery and French Polishing course to add to my [Your] Place, Your Rules dream. [link coming soon] 

I am also thankful for this blog, which today is better than a therapist.

I think I need a fairly intense session with The Secret

I'll keep you posted x

Thursday 12 July 2012

Yesterday was a good day...

1) I rediscovered my favorite childhood meal... Cornish Pasty, peas and gravy

2) I bought some fabulous interior design books by Terrance Conran at M&S



3) Finally and most importantly, after a long struggle, I have finally found at set up a blog for my interior design brand... I'm going out on my own people!


Thank you!

My Dare to Dream

I want, I want, I want...
  • I want my own interior design and brand development business where I am sought out by businesses and homeowners alike to renovate and remodel homes and workplaces
  • I want real client interaction in which we really explore the requirements and desires for businesses and homes alike
  • I want the job satisfaction of positivley inflencing clients homes and businesses for the better
  • I want put to use my business and sociological education to use by combining interior with brand develeopment
  • I want to work with Davey, who I love more than anything and who I miss daily
  • I want flexibility and excitement in my life
  • I want to take the dog to work
  • I want to organise my own schedule to have a good life work balance
  • I want to profit from my success, dedication and passion
  • I want to be happy in my job
  • I want good client relationships
[Please try not to read the above in the voice of Veruca Salt (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- Original film) this started as an 'I would like' list but it just didn't seem passionate enough]

All of the above has always seemed totally unachievable, like a distant dream that 'other' people can acomplish. However the Secret has allowed me to think about what might be possible and allowed my confidence in myself and my abilities to grow. 
The more I think about it the more I realise just how many people successfully run their own businesses.
Its taken a lot of searching and intraspective to start to let go of the fear I automitically feal when I think about 'going it alone' however slowly but surely I have begun to realise that Dave and I have as good a chance as anyone and I have started to belive that we can have the lives we want. Its within our grasp. We've got just to be brave, trust in each other and look after each other.  
I don't know if it's more confidence in myself since changing jobs, the fact that Dave's confidence and drive make it seem more possible or the fact that The Secret has convinced me that all perceived barriers were put there by me, but I do dare to dream now.
Today I am grateful for this blog, its little more than an online diary but it has done wonders for my focus and motivation.

Thank you google Blogger!

Monday 9 July 2012

Expanding Ambition...

The new job not living up to my [huge] expectations has been a bit of a blow, a considerable knock to my pride and in general a bit depressing.

On the bright side...
It has made me re-focus and I have begun to realise that maybe I can't rely on finding the prefect job, maybe I have to create it.

The [new] Dream...
Dave and I have, for a while, aspired to create a self build on a piece of my Mums land* recently due to both of us being relatively unhappy at work this aspiration has become THE DREAM. 

* I should clarify that we are not a filthy rich family. My Nan and Grandad bought two cottages with land 'back in the day' and worked and saved hard to convert said cottages to a very nice moderately sized house in a large piece of land.

The Plan [reprioritised]...
The self-build dream has stepped up a notch and is now a key factor in my 'Expanding ambitions'. The self-build venture will not only be a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity but also the chance to gather the revenue to start our own business.

The business idea is an Interior Design and Refurbishment business that will focus on homes and businesses on a very personal scale.

The new business is now key to our future plans and seems to be the perfect solution: 

  • It will allow me to create my perfect career
  • It will allow Dave and I to work together, for ourselves to provide us with a secure future
  • I will allow us to look after our families & nearest and dearest current and future
  • It will be a rewarding and motivating career for both of us  

When it comes to this opportunity it's not difficult to be grateful:

Thank you to my Nana and Grandad who worked and saved so hard to pass on the house and land to my mum

Thank you for my Mum allowing us this fantastic opportunity. Thank you Mum for you unwavering confidence and your willingness to take a risk on us


Thank you to Dave who talked me through my worries and lack of confidence in my ability. Thank you to Dave for being strong, reassuring and supportive and for your confidence in me

Thank you to Dave's Dad our silent, patient long term investor

Friday 6 July 2012

Confessions

I have been a terrible blogger of late and these are my confessions:


1) I have been a drunken wretch
A combination of big birthdays [30th's], festivals, hen dos, weddings and Bank Holidays (all the perfect excuse to celebrate...obviously) have lead to far to frequent occurrences an excellent drink fuelled celebrations out followed by miserable hang over days of duvet dwelling and junk food. I do not feel good.



2) My dream job is not my dream
This crushing realisation became apparent as I made the hour and a half commute home after a couple of weeks of 14 hour days scheduling furniture... there were tears.



3) I did not go back to Bootcamp

I did fully intend to go but:
I got the flu, followed by a chest infection...
Then I had a hectic time finishing my projects at my old job...
Then I went to Greece...
Then I started my new job...
Yes these are all excuses and in the 2 months that followed I have not made any effort to go the gym... at all.


4) I've been a bit down
I was so convinced that the new job was going to be amazing that its taken a little while to admit to myself that its not going to.
Still every cloud has a silver lining and it's made me take a bit of time to reassess what I want and how I am going to get it, which has resulted in Expanding Ambitions.

I'll keep you posted
x